1.
Reena, Mangalore
*I am a
mother of 2 kids, aged 38. I get my periods regularly
(sometimes one or two days up and down). After the birth of
second baby, we are bit scare to have sex. Especially, I do
not know which the right time to have sex is. In this matter
we had lot of fight, unhappiness in the house. I get periods
normally on 14 or 15th of every month. So can u suggest me
when is the exact time to have a safe sex. We do not use any
other methods. You can send the answer to my email address if
you do not mind.
** As this problem is not rare
among many couples, I chose not to send the reply to you
personally through e-mail.
In marriage both the partners
should remember that the sex is the best way of expressing
love and commitment to each other and there is no substitute
to it. Fulfilling the need of physical union of the partner is
the duty of every married person and getting this fulfillment
from the spouse is the right of marriage. There should not be
any obstacle what so ever for expressing married love. Even
St. Paul (I Corinthians: 7:3-5) stresses the need of it.
Church no where teaches or proposes celibacy in marriage!
Denying the right of expressing marital love is not proper.
You should not deny this to your husband and you should not
give him room for fighting for this. There are incidences
where men instead of fighting with their partners, who deny
their right of marital love, try to get sexual solace outside
of marriage and it can lead to grave consequences.
If fear of pregnancy is the
cause for this, (as in your case) you should find out what are
the best methods available to prevent pregnancy and celibacy
is definitely not one of the methods.
If your periods are regular you
may practice safe method. In this method, the first 10 days
from the onset of menstrual flow are safe. Similarly 10 days
just prior to the onset of flow are also safe. Only the mid 10
days are not safe for unprotected sex. Many couple who follow
this method use condoms during the middle 10 days where there
is chance of conceptions. For example suppose your period
starts on 15th of January, and then 5th
January to 25th January is the safe period. From 26th
January till 4th February you may have protected
physical union (using condoms).
If you feel you have completed
the family, that is you have no intention of going for one or
more children you may think of permanent method. Before going
for the permanent methods of birth control, it is advisable to
wait for two years after the second (or last required) child
birth.
I have explained in detail about
the practice, advantages and disadvantages of all the methods
of family planning (birth control) in my book on married sex
life.
2. M.
D. Lorretto
*I am
from Mangalore and working in Gulf, since I am newly married I
have read the book "Married Sex Life" written by you in
Konkani and I found it as a guide for the good married life
and I am encouraging to all my friends to read the book. But
the problem is the same book is not available in English, so
could please suggest the other books which are equally good to
your version so that I can suggest to my friends who are not
able to follow Konkani.
** Thank you for the
appreciation of the book and the publicity amongst your
friends. Though I am planning to publish the same book in
English, right now its English version is not available. There
are many good books in English on the matters related to
married sex life. However all are not very comprehensive. If
you visit any good bookstall, you may find a host of them and
you have many choices. I regret that I can not suggest a
particular title.
3. S.
Pinto, Dubai
*Could
you inform me in which shop your books are available in
Mangalore (Also in Dubai?)
** The copies of my books are
available at Mangalore at the following places: at my office
at Nalapad Building, Mallikatta (Phone- 0824-217782); ‘Jerosa
Company’ Hampanakatta and at Family Life Center, Shanthikiran,
Bajjodi. At present the books are not available at Dubai and
in any other gulf countries. The books can be sent by post if
the cost of the book and additional Rs. 100 are sent per book
as the postal charges. (For the book on married sex life
Rs.250 and for the book on child health care Rs.200 may be
sent through DD) You may request any of your friends returning
to Gulf from India to get the books there.
4. L.
C. Dubai
I had
a disturbed ectopic pregnancy last month. I was already 7
weeks when it was diagnosed and then I had to undergo
laparoscopic surgery to remove the same. The tube was
regulated and d & c done following this. This operation was
done on 13th of September. It is almost 52 days and I have
not got my periods yet. I suspect something is wrong. Is this
usual after ectopic pregnancy? Please advise what I should do.
** It is almost three months now
since the event, and you might not have got the periods yet.
This is not unusual. In many women after delivery or
miscarriage or after d&c, the onset of regular ovulation may
get delayed depending on the normalization of hormone status
in the system and this in turn delays the periods. It is not
possible to predict the fixed date or time for the onset of
periods. If the periods have not yet started, you may just
wait for another one month or so and then consult the
gynecologist for opinion.
5.
S.L. D’Sa
*I am
32years old I am married now for two years. I was told that I
have multiple fibroids in my uterus. I had two miscarriages,
and when I consulted the gynecologists, they suggested me to
have complete bed rest and then to go for a child. I would
like to plan a child now and I would like to know whether this
problem will result in any deformity to the new born?
**
The fibroid are the benign tumors of the uterine musculature.
They may remain inside the muscle or may protrude out-inside
the uterine cavity or away from the uterus. In some cases they
grow into the uterine cavity. When they are inside the uterine
cavity they may come on the way of pregnancy. In such cases
removal of the offending fibroids may be required. You may
consult the gynecologist to know whether the fibroids were
responsible for your miscarriages. If not, then you may plan
the baby at least in a gap of six months from the last
miscarriage. You will have to consult the doctor after
conception and follow his advice. I do not think there is need
of taking bed rest before conception.
If the fibroids have not
prevented the pregnancy to continue, then the fibroids do not
cause any deformity in the baby.
6. Mrs.
B. Pinto
*I had
bad cold for about a week and now since three four days I am
feeling giddy especially in the morning when I get up from the
sleep on the right side. I feel as if I have lost the balance
and I get pushed to the left side. Once I get up and move
around the giddiness subsides. Also after I eat, I feel very
puffed up and get nausea and if I belch I get bitter feeling.
I consulted the ENT surgeon who suggested me to take Stugeron
tablets but there is no relief. The giddiness is most felt
when I sleep and change my sleeping posture. Please advise at
the earliest.
** I regret that I am not able
to answer to you at the urgency in which you wanted the reply.
It takes almost a month for the answers to appear on this site
as there is backlog. I hope you have already consulted some
other specialist and have been relieved of the problem.
Your problem appears to be due
to some disturbance in the inner ear. The balancing of the
human body is the function of the inner ear, also known as the
labyrinth. You may have to take the opinion of the ENT doctor
again and if required he might ask you consult the
neurologist. The drug prescribed by him solves this problem in
majority of those with inner ear disturbances.
7. M.
D`Souza, Dubai
*I am
38 years old and in recent months, I have been getting moles
around the neck area, which are black in colour and increasing
in number. What are the reasons for the sudden increase of
moles and how to prevent them?
* By the description given by
you I presume that the problem you have is a harmless
condition of the skin. These are actually the skin tags (acrodordon).
They are at times related with diabetes mellitus and obesity.
You may consult a skin specialist to know exactly what they
are. If they are skin tags they may be treated with a
procedure known as electocautry or cryotherapy, in which they
are burnt. This is a simple out patient procedure and not a
surgery. The skin specialists are able to do this.
8.
S.D`Sa Udupi
*I have
delivered 6 months back, and my monthly periods started after
5 months of delivery. For the first month I got regular flow
for 5 days, but second month onwards during my period the flow
gets reduced everyday and continues for 10 days. After a weeks
time it starts again drop by drop. I am feeling very weak and
is this natural?
** You are required to consult a
gynecologist immediately. The menstrual flow once started
after the childbirth should not be frequent and should not
last for many days. It may be due to variety of reasons like
anemia, hormonal imbalance etc. The gynecologist will be able
to find out the exact cause and suggest proper treatment.
9. S.
D`Souza, Mangalore
* I am
married for 9 months and still could not have the ‘first
night’. I am not getting full erection and stiffness during
the attempt to have physical union. What are the reasons for
this? It is shame to me. I will go on vacation and want to
solve my problem. Where should I go for treatment?
* Please refer the answer to the
following problem.
10.
Sunny, Mumbai
I am
married recently and back to work here. I was with my wife for
a period of 45 days in this time I could not had any sex with
my wife due to erectile problems. What is the reason for this
and how can I get help for this. I will be back after 8
months. Please advise.
** The problem of inability to
have physical union at the early part of marriage in men is
mostly due to psychological reasons and in 99% of men there
are no physical disabilities. This problem is not rare.
Ignorance of sexual dynamics, performance anxiety, loss of
self confidence either due to previous experience or due to
false knowledge, fear of having lost the sexual capacity due
to masturbation or nocturnal emissions are some of the
reasons. I have dealt about this problem in my book on married
sex life and have suggested the solutions also.
As the problem is not physical
medication is normally not required. Both the partners are
required to go together to a specialist who may councell both
and suggest the solutions. Active participation of the wife is
also required to solve the problem. There are few
psychiatrists who do this or a good physician also may help.
Do not allow the problem to remain as it is, later it might
become difficult to solve.
11. T.
D`S. Mangalore.
*I am
24 years old girl. I always have regular periods. But this
time I have not got my periods; my date was due 10 days back
and still not got my monthly periods. Normally I suffer from
severe stomach-pain and other pains. This time I am getting
all those symptoms from 7 days, but I am not getting periods.
I am a bit tensed. Is it because the weather? I work in Delhi
and the weather here has changed into winter. Can you please
answer at the earliest?
** If you had regular periods
all these years, I do not think the change in weather affects
it. You may consult a gynecologist. This is not an unusual
problem. Some times hormonal changes in the system affect the
normal cycles and they may be set right by simple medication.
12.
Dinesh
*I am
29 years. I have the habit of masturbating every day. Any
problem from this?
** In grown up man semen is
produced in a definite quantity depending on his age and semen
is one of the products of the body that are to be put out from
the body. Its retention doesn’t have any beneficial effects or
its excretion has no harmful effects on the body. There are
three methods for seminal excretion from the body; they are
sexual union, masturbation and nocturnal emission. Present day
medical literature describes masturbation as a normal stage in
the sexual growth of an individual. There are no physical or
psychological ill effects from it. It also doesn’t affect the
married sex life. However few men who have misconceptions
about masturbation and few others who are wrongly taught about
it may get psychologically affected. In them it can complicate
into an irresistible urge for masturbation. If the one is
convinced that it is normal and it has no ill effects, then
the habit doesn’t lead to any problems, does not become an
impediment to routine development.
There were lot of literature and
theories describing the ill effects of masturbation, but now
it is definite that these are not correct. Though the Catholic
Church describes it as ‘not in order’ (that is disorder) many
of the theologians are of the opinion that it is not sin as
long it is non-intentional and performed in solitude.
The habit normally stops once
starts normal married life.
13. N.
D`Mello, Goa
*I am
in Dubai for 2 years now and have no children and would like
to go in for adoption in India. I believe that this is a very
long procedure and also I have to invest a certain amount of
money in the child's name before actually the child is given
to me. Can you let me know the simpler ways of adoption? How
long this procedure takes? Do my husband and myself have to
physically be present in India for this, can one of us go? Can
I take the child to Dubai then? Can my mom-in-law complete the
formalities on our behalf? Can you suggest some names of
adoption centers in Mumbai? I am desperate and also what is
the amount I need to invest?
** I am informed that there is
no need to deposit money in the child’s name for adoption.
However you may consult a lawyer (you may ask lawyer Mr.
Shirthady William Pinto on this site) to have clear opinion
regarding this. In this country, the laws are frequently
amended and my information may not be correct.
14.
James, Bantwal
I find
it difficult to pronounce the word 'R' since childhood. Can
you please suggest any medicine or alternative medicine?
** You can consult a speech
therapist and see if any thing can be done. They are available
in larger centers of health care. The medicine may not help
you.
15. M.
Lobo, Mumbai
One of
my friends has got a fibroid. She has got one daughter. She
would like to go for second child. Can she conceive? Is there
any problem if she conceives?
** Please also refer the
question 5 in this section.
If the fibroid is inside the
uterine cavity its removal may be needed if it prevents
conception. The fibroid inside the uterine musculature or
outside may not cause any problem for conception or
continuation of the pregnancy.
16. D.
Fernandes, Kuwait
*I am
37yrs old married lady. My problem is that I noticed one boil
in the external portion of my urinary passage. It itches and
burning sensation while passing urine. Since 3 to4 days I am
having this problem and I daily wash that part with water
mixed with 2 drops of dettol after I pass urine. I am scared
to apply any other ointments as it might become worst. How do
these boil occur? Kindly advice me what should I do. What
precautions to be taken to avoid these boils? (UREGENT
PLEASE!)
** I regret that we have no
mechanism on this site to suggest solutions for emergency
problems. We request our visitors to bear with us. In
emergency or acute situations the normal consultation with the
family physician is a must. This column on this site is mainly
aimed at clearing doubts on issues related to health.
There are lot of small glands
and other tiny organs in and around the genitalia. By your
description it appears that one of such tissues are affected.
If you have consulted the doctor, proper medicine would have
been prescribed. Unless it is an abscess the surgery is
normally not done.
* * * * * * * *
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